TORONTO, ON – On Wednesday, it was all eyes on both Premier Ford and Your Creepy Uncle at a Queens Park press meeting to justify their recent actions.
“When you’re 47 there’s just not much you’re willing or able to do any more. I can’t stand them droning on and on for hours.” said Ford to a crowd of reporters. “People say that 47 brings a ton of experience with them to the table, but no amount of experience can top the sheer flexibility of a healthy 25. I honestly can’t see the need to go back to anything over 30 ever again.”
Your Creepy Uncle, 67, offered a word-for-word identical statement but in reference to the new much-younger girlfriend he’s been seeing since way too soon after the divorce.
In their closing remarks, both Ford and Your Creepy Uncle reassured our sources that their decisions, though surprising and uncomfortable, were still “technically legal”. They told the press that they were in no way motivated by a vague sense of revenge, least of all against Mayor Tory or Your Literal Harpy of an Aunt.
